Him Again

It is pathetic when someone who is loud and noisy are having the sense of loneliness. She just couldn't find a person to rely on sometimes. Yes she does succeed in terms of family and friendship, but they are not always available for her. They too living their own lives and sometimes may not understand what she's encountering with. She just needs someone very special to share her life with. The personal space sometimes is reserved for someone who is willing to touch her heart. I'm so happy that one of my babes had finally got herself a wonderful partner, who knows her sometimes more than herself, who pampers her with all his love, who loves her more than loving himself, who sets her as the priority of his life. This is defined to be happiness. Life might be full with different obstacles but once you have your loved one with you, you will have enough guts to overcome them. Honestly this is what I'm hoping for, so easy yet so difficult to achieve. I watched the movie When In Rome for 3 times in 2 days, touched by the love of the leading male towards the girl. The scene when he get heartbroken is really sad that I too feel the pain, deep in my heart. The heartbroken feeling is like someone is tearing out a part from your heart. I can still feel the pain every time I recall the scenes. The fear and sadness in his eyes just reflects what I felt about you. I have no idea that I love you so much, and I can't even forget you after 2 damn years. My heart still beats faster and slower at the same time when I see you. My hand shivers so much and when I look directly into your eyes? Well my legs too become soften and I really feel like falling, just like the melting butter. It is so hard to pretend like nothing happened before and we are still good friends. Tell me how on earth can you fucking do that? You act as if like we are just normal friends all the time when you know our relationship is not that simple. I'm such a fucking failure to still fall for you. That was just a game for you wasn't it? And now you are most probably applying the same tactics to some other girls. I once believed that we do share something special, a very deep heart to heart conversation. No one will understand your problem more than I do, but have you really came across mine? I'm just looking for your damn concern whenever I need support! You were the one who text me in the middle of the night, telling me your problems. I once believed that you might be the one for me to settle down with, I truly believed that. Our parents were so supportive and my mother liked you so much. We were each other's precious stones before. But what about now? I'm not worth a penny to you already? You feel bad because I'm studying while you are not? You feel the distance between us because I speaks English more than you do? OK fine then I give up. And that's the time you will give me a phone call, comforting me and sugar coat all your words to me. This is like a routine. I like you, I give up and you want me back. Then you will ignore me once I'm falling for you again. How on earth can I have you out of my life then? ZYENYI WONG! Can you just fucking control your emotions and don't let him has the control over you again and again? You are not under his damn spell and it's time to wake up already!

LONELINESS, the feeling where he will never understand.

LONELINESS, the feeling that he has brought me in.

LONELINESS, you are eating me up.

I'm not trying to be fucking emo, it's just pathetic for me to still save your phone number and all of our pictures. I can't delete them for now, however there will be a time for me to do so. Maybe someday when your spell on me is broken by someone else who is worth it for me to fall again. I really don't want to give a damn about thinking of you already. I hate and I love you.