Hair color

I feel really bad these 2 days as I actually ignored everyone. Again I isolated myself, yes I might look happy and normal for you but actually I don't. I'm so LOST. I refuse to talk much about myself, spending all of my time on the others. Selfless? Selfish I would say. I don't even dare to face myself sometimes. You know when sometimes you are alone... You rather sleep than having thoughts. I don't think much. A big problem? Maybe. The passion is just not there you know. I've tried to treat myself good but then I feel sorry at the same time. How could I think of myself when someone out there is depending on you? I just choose to escape sometimes. I kind of agree and take on everything that people said and suggested. Again I'm appointed as the leader for assignments and everyone is depending on me. Sometimes I can't even breath. Why are all those burdens on me? Why can't they feel like I do? Why is it always me to take care of the rest? Can I be "the rest" sometimes? Can someone take care of me? I too will feel tired and I too will sometimes feel that I'm not capable enough. I too will be BLOWN UP and I really don't want to get to that point.

But you know what? I've regain my strength! Burdens will never knock me down. Test? Assignments? What's the big deal? Do you know what I have? I have this unstoppable and unlimited leadership skills therefore I shall conquer you! Perhaps this is what I have to take on as a leader: Take good care of the rest, not too much on yourself. But being a leader sometime is so LONELY. I do wish that someone's out there to lighten my burden, at least a bit will do. Listening to me, lending me shoulders to cry on. I don't want to be so LONELY and I do wish that someone understands me. Is it my fault to be too strong and tough?

By the way that's my new hair color. Sorry the picture really fails. My mirror is incredibly small and I have to focus on my camera to fit my head in. It looks even brighter in real. Perhaps some pictures during the outing tomorrow will explain even better. I have to sleep now or I'll have black circles which is not nice for a camwhore session.

Nights. May nightmare won't come tonight. I heart you Jesus. =)